I got caught picking my nose in my car yesterday. It was by a middle-aged lady with a bad haircut. She had this look of disgust like I was doing something wrong, something she had never seen before. I froze like a deer in headlights. We locked eyes at a red light as I waited for a right turn and my finger was jammed up my nose searching for some gold. Her jaw slowly opened in disgust to reveal bad teeth and crappy breath (I’m guessing on the breath, but I wouldn’t want to smell it based on her haircut and teeth alone.) She caught me fair and square and I didn’t like it. How dare her make me feel bad for picking my nose. Who the hell was she anyways?
Of course this happened at the longest red light in the city. I’ve been caught picking my nose before and usually I know how to handle myself in these situations. Laugh and run. Not this time. I froze, completely and utterly froze. I cold not even move my finger from my nose. It was like her breath had seeped its way in to my car and hypnotized me. She could have robbed me for my $34 and I doubt my finger would have even left my nostril. Thank god the guy behind me honked and shook me out of my nose picking slumber. The honk made me jump and my finger jammed up my nose a little to far and it hurt. The creepy lady just drove away, not even offering a tissue. Mean lady. I turned and went on my way a little confused and violated.
I continued on my way home and wiped my nose with the back of my hand only to reveal blood. Sweet, now I had a bloody nose and I didn’t even get to pick the big booger I was looking for earlier. I give up. I promised myself to drink through out the rest of the month but my bloody booger infested nose changed my mind. There is always tomorrow. Today, I’m cleaning my nose and I’m going to make grilled cheese and watch old porn. I am going to pick my nose in the privacy of my own home lady. I’ll be back and the next time me meet lady, you better look out. My boogers are coming for you and your teeth.
