DIP UPDATE!

 My dip kicked ass! From this moment on it will be known only ass “Kick Ass Dip aka KAD” It kicked so much ass i am writing about it here and after that  i am calling everyone i know to tell them how much it kicked ass.  

 

With one chip filled taste of K.A.D. ex-girlfriends will wonder why they left me. The other girls i have not been with yet will throw themselves at me knowing that every Sunday (or whenever i feel it) I like can make this delight and take their taste buds to a place of ecstasy never experienced before the creation of K.A.D. and they won’t even have to get off the couch.     

 

K.A.D.  Rules! 

 

MY NERDNESS BIRTHS MEAT WAGON

I always knew I was a geek. Been one since I was a child. It started with my obsession of Spiderman, transformers, choose your own adventure novels and preferring to stay in my room with my imaginary friends who lived in my stuffed animals and going on adventures in far off places where I would slaughter monsters and save princesses. Not much has changed. I am still a geek, just a 32 year old geek, from my collection of Lego’s, a crack like addiction of the UFC, to my love of bad B horror movies, kung fu movies, Kirsten Dunst movies and love of staying home and watching reruns of I <3 New York proves i’m a little touched. I’m still hoping to save a princess one-day. I have slayed a few monsters in my time, if you catch my drift.

My current geekdom reached new heights this weekend with 3 days filled with activities to make any nerd proud. As stated in my last post, my nerd buddy and I drove 4 hours to catch the 3D IMAX version of Beowulf. (Side note: IMAX was at the science museum I was stoked to check out the meusum until I got there and it was filled with children and families. Even the toilets were low. I was weirded out, so we went to a bar and slammed a few beers. Some how we met one of the guys from Spyro Gyro. I guess they were famous. He was super wasted and kept touching my back, but it was much better than the children and families at the science museum.) Back to the movie- it rocked and kicked ass so hard we were speechless. My review of this movie is simply just to experience it. I cannot give it justice with words. It’s like trying to explain sex to someone who has never had it. Go see this and you will feel like you have blown a load. The problem of blowing your load at a movie 4 hours away from home is afterwards you just want to go to sleep. So we skipped on the late night clubs filled with booze and women and a few monsters to head back home.

A side stop took us to a full moon party on the beach, chicks, booze, drugs, bands and a heck of a good time. Thing was, I had blown my load at a movie and had no mojo. I couldn’t participate in the fun with normal people so I watched from the outside like all good nerds should. I would need more Jaeger to be one with this event. My buddy and I looked at each other and decided it was best to leave the normal people and continue our drive. Plus we were having a wonderful conversation about Neil Gamin books. Who needs a beach party filled with chicks?

The next day I awoke with a plan. It was time to congregate all the nerds I was friends with and have nerd day. We needed an excuse, a plan, an activity that we could rally around. I picked up my laptop, which conveniently was located next to me in bed. (Never now when your going to need Youporn.com) and clicked on CNN – low and behold there was review for Rock Band. The new video game that was supposed to kick Guitar Hero in the butt and rule the universe. Yes! Glory be! I had found our calling. A few phone calls later, the geeks arrived and we were on our way to the store and picking up our new toy. Kick ass, we were going to be a virtual band.

Direction tossed out the window we plugged in and Meat Wagon was born.

What is Meat Wagon you ask? It is a state of mind, a way of life, a religion if you will. It also our Rock Band name. We are geeks rocking out at home and becoming one with our geekdom.

Get your self a band, be your own meat. Own it, love it, live it

WE ARE MEAT WAGON!! Bringing home the bacon suckas

I <3 Bacon

Bacon is the greatest invention of meat ever in the history of the world. It makes everything better. I mean really, what is better than bacon? Well, maybe a blowjob… but wouldn’t a blowjob be better if you got to eat bacon at the same time? I think so. I must try this some how. Boy that would be an interesting conversation

JYAG, “Hey, do you mind if when you’re blowing me I eat some delicious bacon?”

Cool chick giving head “Sure! Bacon makes everything better!”

JYAG responds with a greasy smile, “Would you marry me?”

Dare to dream.

If I own a bar, or I should say when I own a bar I am not going to serve peanuts at the bar or pretzels. No no no. I will have jars of fresh bacon for people to enjoy. I will have the best bacon bar in the city. I could even garnish martinis with little classy strips from a famous bacon spot somewhere in Europe. I’m sure there is one somewhere. It will require research, but a hunt for the best European bacon is a challenge I am willing to provide my customers with the top kind of swine they deserve. I am a great man.

How many ways does bacon rule? There are to many to count, but here are a few off of the top of my head.

! Bacon goes well on a sandwich

2. A fantastic addition to a healthy breakfast

3 Bacon gives you super greasy hands that are fun to lick and wipe on your pants.

4.Bacon Cures depression

5. Bacon provides great meat days at the bar I like to call ” swine and wine” (I stole that form a girl named Erin.) She has nice boobs.”

6. Bacon’s fun to eat alone.

7.Bacon is fun to share with friends

8.Bacon the best side dish at any restaurant.

9.Bacon cures hangovers

10. Bacon kicks the shit out of sausage.

11.Bacon makes pizza ore exciting than usual

12. Bacon wraps around things easily, like dates and nuts making them tasty

13 Bacon is fun to eat with a toothpick

14. Bacon sounds cool when it’s cooking in grease.

15. Bacon starts out small and then shrivels up when it cooks. Like a shrinky dink or like my wiener after the 2min of bliss I provide the lucky women who sleep with me.

16. Bacon makes you house smell good.

17.Bacon comes in many variations and styles.

I’m sure there are several more reasons bacon rules, but it’s all I can think of and now after all of this bacon talk i’m going to make myself a bacon treat. Nothing like bacon in the afternoon to clam the nerves and sooth the soul.

Go enjoy yourself some bacon

ps. i forgot Bacon is the last name of Kevin. He is kind of cool. Not as cool as he should be with a last name like bacon. All the good names are wasted on stupid people