This walrus rules. I have never seen such dance moves look so graceful and exquisite.  He pops, he locks he gets down on it. I propose an ultimate dance off pants off competition between him and the Philippine prison dancers.  It would be prison rules of course (seeing as how they are both in prison of sorts.) Winner takes all, cigarettes, extra plate of food and some good  ’ol fashion shower time.  

On a side note, I am extremely attracted to the walrus’s dance partner. The fact a girl took the time to teach the walrus these moves and that she choose Smooth Criminal ups her hotness 10,000 points.  Any chick that can shake her bum like that with a sea creature is pretty darn cool in my book. I wonder if she has a boyfriend? I wonder if she would go out with me. I bet she is a vegetarian.  I could deal with that if we got to go dance with the walrus after our tofu dinner.  Maybe I can start a fan club and Internet stalk her. That always works out well don’t you think?  

Have a good day kids 

Thanks to Fnar Fnar for hooking me up with this killer walrus dance video!

I awoke hungover wondering why i did it yet again.  I m not going to drink anymore i swear.  When you win all three games at bocce proving yourself to be the baddest ass mother fucker in the land you need to celebrate.  Thus to much scotch, to much late of a night and to many stupid things said and done. The bonus of the forray’s is i wake up and  start looking for retarded crap to take my mind of what a dumb ass i am.  This morning while stumbling around i came across the newest and bestest Filipino dance video on www.abarclay12.wordpress.com. (raise your hands for abarclay)  This prison dancing  warms the soul letting us all know that little crooks can dance so great.  See, hangovers can be productive.   

There are so many things that kick ass with this photo I don’t even know where to start.  I imagine that this is in the back alley of a great place were midget run free and kick your ass if you fuck with them. This is a time capsule of when things used to be cool, like in the 70’s. A time where Afros rocked and wearing your tighty-whitey’s out in public was standard.  Everyone did cocaine and sex with strangers was just part of the day.

 Looking at this picture makes me wish I owned the club that these midgets worked at or at least drank at the bar that they called home. I long to be hung over watching real Saturday morning cartoons passing around a Cheech and Chong like joint with this crew of midgets cuddled up in afghans on my floor enjoying the Newest Scooby do. They would demand Chinese take out and only drink Pabst Blue Ribbon.  For them I would do anything

Have a good day 

When I was a little kid I had to go stay with my father every other weekend and sometimes Tuesdays. The typical schedule of a kid from divorced parents. I hated it, the way you hate a job.  Nothing you can do about it though, you just have to do it, even if the paycheck isn’t that great.  Like any divorce parent my dad was on the hunt for a new wife and met one at a church mixer or something very Christian and careful. He dated her briefly and he got remarried as soon as she would let him. My job just got worse. 

 The new boss smelled weird, spit flew out when she talked and her voce reminded me of the key master from Ghost Busters, she wasn’t very much fun.  Along with my new boss on every other weekend and sometimes Tuesdays came her daughter. She was quite, nice and a few years older than me. Her name was Jackie and I didn’t hate her.

Fall came and went, winter was long and painful and every other weekend and sometimes Tuesdays I would power through my job of being a son and following my step monsters rules, as she lead with an iron fist. My new sister would disappear with her friends to the mall leaving me alone with the powers that be counting down the hours until my job of good sob was over.  I learned at a young age I could never have a boss and corporate life sucked.  Then summer came.

My father had been instructed that a pool would be needed in the back yard in order to have a lifestyle that was acceptable. Our new leader sometimes had decent ideas.  All winter and spring long my father plugged away to make sure the pool would be ready for his boss.  Low and behold when the summer sun started to leave us glistening he finished his work and the pool was done.  My job just got a little more interesting.

When my work weekend came up and I got to my fathers house. I cautiously avoided the step beast, slide out the side door to go look for some buried transformers I had hidden in the wood pile, but then I heard a noise, a squeal of delight, splashing. What could it be? The man that was hidden deep down inside of me new it was something good. It was chicks. I was not sure why I knew that was good it was just instinct like a bear killing a fish because he knows that what he was supposed to do. I knew these squeals and splashing were something good.

I climbed the stairs to the pool and to my joy there they were. Glistening with beads of water, blue little tops, eyes sparkling with the sun, skin brown and smooth.  It was my first time seeing live chicks in bikini’s and I was sold. My transformer hit the ground and the dirt fell off it in the impact. Even Optimous Prime was enjoying this view. 

“Come help me out JYAG!” my dad motioned to me from across the pool. He was tying up one side of a net.  “Oh, hi JYAG” said one of the gilssining pool chicks, even her teeth sparkled.  I waved half stunned, feeling special and excited all at the same time.  I strolled over to help my dad as he stretched the net to the other side of the pool revealing a super exciting volleyball net for the girls to play with.  Dad’s house just got a lot more fun.

I don’t think I left the pool that entire weekend. I could barley talk I could barley walk and I didn’t care. I liked what I was seeing and became a huge fan of pool volleyball. I even offered to ref! Sometimes they let me. It was heaven.  When volleyball was over the girls layed out in their tiny bikinis baking in the sun showing of their goods to the sky. I stared down at them up from the top deck in awe like I was a god and these were my creations.  I was hypnotized, I was hooked.  Chicks in bikinis were my new favorite thing and I wanted more.

Summer continued and I started to put in over time at my dads. I even brought my friends to help.  What better way to spend your summer than hanging out with your friends staring at chicks in swimsuits playing volleyball and laying in the sun?  So what if one of them was my stepsister.  I couldn’t help myself. They bouncing bikinis were like crack and I needed a fix. I even started watching Baywatch in my room alone

Summer ended, the pool was put to rest and the girls went back to the mall on the weekends and my every other work weekend and sometimes Tuesdays went back to sucking ass. But that summer taught me some valuable lessons that I follow to this day. Never work for a corporate America.  Chicks in swimsuits rule so live someplace where there is summer all year and if you see a pool volley ball game on, always offer to be the ref they might just let you.

  this was forwarded to me by the one and only Freaky D!   

Hello all!  After the red eye from LA and a 4 hour drive this morning i am back home.  Buzzed on caffeine and fast food i am not feeling exactly myself at the moment. A few days in LA LA LAND will do that to you, so excuse the lack of interesting thoughts from me. I not sure how you live with out them.    The sound mix for the film i was there for went really cool and our editor Bermando is taking the reigns to see the last small changes and all should be finished by the end of the week. On to more important things like  MiIIIDDDGEETTT MOOONNDAAAAYYYY!!

I have said it before and i will say it agian, there is no better way to start the work week off than some good midget video’s?  Freaky D is on the ball this week and hooked up the two video’s you see below.  Thanks Freaky D. You are a great great although severely twisted awesome man.

Here we have a kick ass video of a midget dancer. Possibly the greatest midget dancer of all time.  He is not to be messed with for if his dance moves are used for the powers of evil they can be deadly. 

Never piss off a midget. Great advice passed along to me from my old man friend Buzz. He has been around the block and knows the in and outs of angery midgets.  As Buzz says, “Never mess with a Midget they’re sneaky and quick… good memory to… Very patient and creepy. I don’t like them.” Smart man that Buzz.   Below is an example of what happens when you fuck with a midget. 

This was sent to be by my buddy Fnar Fnar.  It’s things like this that restore my faith in humanity 

Sick with a cold and bored at home today I hung out in my favorite “hug me I’m a Looney” t-shirt, my velour bathrobe completed with fuzzy slippers organizing my music and playing with my big TV. I’m quite the catch ladies. It’s amazing what you find in your own stuff when you dig around a little bit. My find of the day was my Gorillaz live in Manchester DVD. I put it to listen to while I cleaned and looked for other gems, alas the music sucked me and I watched the whole thing, not getting anything done. I have believed I have also discovered a new buzz with a mix of green tea, Thera Flu, Airborne, decongestant and Twisters. Makes you fucking kiddy I tell ya.

Here is an excerpt from the show. This guy is my hero. I hope I get the chance to see him and his crew live one day.

Enjoy….

Ps. if you no like The Gorillaz….. Promptly fuck off.

I stumbled upon this quote today and it struck me for some reason. 

“Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off–then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.”

I love knocking hats of people methodically. Maybe it’s time i went to sea myself