This could be the greatest movie of all time. I so wish I would have made this movie, then I would have felt complete and accomplished knowing that my retardation is so kick ass. God bless the disturbed souls of these filmmakers. If they were here i would by them shots! I’m not sure what the deal is with this film. If it came out or if its coming out. I will do research like i was the CIA to find out how we can be graced with the glory that watching The Foot Fist Way will surly bring to all of its viewers.
My two favorite quotes are:
“I don’t want to say that your a whore, but right now your actions and your attitude are very whorish”
“I betcha your wife’s probobly gonna butt fuck somebody”
UPDATE: I had not had a chance to do my CIA like research this morning as my energy’s were taking up with tracking down a one legged Scotish graphic designer. Not only did i not find the guy but i also stubbed my toe on a orange garbage can and now i walk with a limp. Insert irony. My buddy Ham Head came to the resque and filled me in on the details of The Foot Fist Way. According to Ham Head the film comes out May 30th. It was made in 2006 It was shot in 19 days on credit cards and played at Sundance last year.
For The Foot Fist Way kick ass web site click here
Here is discription of the film. I can’t fucking wait
“Small town Tae Kwon Do instructor Fred Simmons relishes the power that comes from being the king of a small kingdom. A former champion, Mr. Simmons fancies himself one in the same as his hero, Chuck “The Truck” Wallace, a B-movie Martial Arts film star. Mr. Simmons openly boasts about his self-proclaimed status as “king of the demo” [Tae Kwon Do demonstration], even though he can’t nail one to save his life. His only vulnerability lies in his adoration of his wife Suzie – a weakness that comes bubbling to the surface when Mr. Simmons discovers Suzie has cheated on him with her new boss. When Suzie leaves him, Mr. Simmons finds himself slipping into a crushing downward spiral. He struggles to keep “the power” by abusing anyone who challenges him. After losing students and making a fool out of himself, he finds allies in Julio Chavez, his nine-year-old apprentice, and Henry Harrison, one of his students with an “obvious confidence problem.” When his bizarre best friend Mike McAllister comes to visit, the four make a pilgrimage to meet the greatest Martial Artist of all time, “The Truck,” at a Tae Kwon Do convention. What starts as a crazy man’s expedition to escape turns into a trip of discovery, as Mr. Simmons and his crew party with “The Truck” and Mr. Simmons convinces him to perform a demo at his Tae Kwon Do school during the upcoming belt-qualifying testing. Inspired with renewed strength, Fred returns from the convention clear-headed and at the top of his game, until he is shocked by an unexpected turn of events when Suzie returns home, and the “The Truck” flies in from Hollywood to appear at his Tae Kwon Do school. In the end, Mr. Simmons faces the greatest test of his power and finds the strength he outwardly projects within his own spirit.”
Sick with a cold and bored at home today I hung out in my favorite “hug me I’m a Looney” t-shirt, my velour bathrobe completed with fuzzy slippers organizing my music and playing with my big TV. I’m quite the catch ladies. It’s amazing what you find in your own stuff when you dig around a little bit. My find of the day was my Gorillaz live in Manchester DVD. I put it to listen to while I cleaned and looked for other gems, alas the music sucked me and I watched the whole thing, not getting anything done. I have believed I have also discovered a new buzz with a mix of green tea, Thera Flu, Airborne, decongestant and Twisters. Makes you fucking kiddy I tell ya.
Here is an excerpt from the show. This guy is my hero. I hope I get the chance to see him and his crew live one day.
Enjoy….
Ps. if you no like The Gorillaz….. Promptly fuck off.
Someone posted us on my favorite website www.urbandictionary.com It wasn’t even me i swear Get ready for the big time baby… i really like that the 2nd definition is for a young adult christian group. We have so much in common
I was discussing the wonderful parts of having a relationship with a buddy of mine today. We talked about how much others suck and how much we rule. What can I say I am perfect and I do everything right. Think I’m wrong? Well, you’re obviously wrong and lost your argument from the get go based on the fact that I am always right. Argument over. Glad we can agree. Unfortunately this stance doesn’t always go over so well and other measures have to be taken in order to let them know whose the boss.
I have come up with a new tactic in dealing with ex-girlfriends, buddy’s your in an argument with, or just someone who upsets you by cutting in front of you in line at the coffee shop. Society doesn’t allow for violence because we live in a pussifed nation and as much fun as it is to smash someone in the nose it’s just not acceptable and usually leads to a felony. Yelling and screaming gets you nowhere, especially if you are dealing with a woman. Conversation and discussion leads nowhere as well because nobody in this world listens, again especially when dealing with a woman.
I have come up with a solution to punctuate your stance and let everybody know who’s in charge and how things are going to be. Not only will you feel better after doing this, but you will also rest easy and be overwhelmed with satisfaction, knowing that at the end of the day you won. What could this be JYAG? What brilliant plan have you come up with oh kick ass logger of the universe? The answer my friends is simple. Pee on their feet.
Yup, pee on their foot. Right there in public, right on there in front of everyone right there in the middle of the problem. There is nothing like a little ‘ol piss on the foot to let people know how you feel about the situation and how you feel about them. No arguments, no discussions, maybe a misdemeanor. At the end of the day you get to look back with pride knowing that you were the guy that pissed on her/his foot. Next time I see my ex-girlfriend I hope she’s wearing her favorite Minola Blancs. It will make it even sweeter to drizzle on her toes, ☺
Have a good day
UPDATED: My friends Scooter boy and Fnar Fnar, his girlfriend, have a couple of dogs that are always getting in to trouble. They tell a favorite story of hanging out at the beach and letting the dogs run around, playing as dogs do. Somehow an annoying little girl rubbed the animals the wrong way as little children can. I’m a little fuzzy to the details of what the little monster did to piss off the docile lovely creature. Details details. What ever it was, the girl pissed off the dog enough that he had to get her back. The doggie waited patiently until nobody was looking and the little girl was all by herself building a nice sandcastle in a picturesque way at the edge of the ocean. The good ‘ol dog snuck right up behind her, lifted his leg and let loose with the goods. He pissed all down her back even shook it a little bit for good measure. This is proof that mammals use peeing on another to extract revenge and show whose the boss. Take that motherfucker. Unfortunately for the dog, Fnar Fnar took him to the vet the next day and had his balls cut off. Shows what I know.
I dig this drunk mess. She would kick my ass at pool, rob me when i passed out, steal all my good drugs and i’d fall in love with her for it. I’m so glad she won almost every award last night, except the pity award the gave Herbie Hancok. (Ha, his name says cock. Penis names are funny ) Oh well, we got to take care of the old folk once in a while, makes ‘em feel they’re worth something and live is worth living for.
Watching Amy moan, jump and shake around like a possessed pixie made me happy. It brought a tear to my eye and i was genuinely proud of her, like she was my daughter or my niece or my friend. Amy is in rehab and been a drug addict mess for quite sometime now. (Read perezhilton.com on a daily basis, i do… oh and i stole his writing stupid shit on picture thing….) For her to come out of rehab and kick fucking major ass last night, not only in the awards part, but to put in a performance of such a soul shatter fashion… my cynical heart beat a little faster.
My dip kicked ass! From this moment on it will be known only ass “Kick Ass Dip aka KAD” It kicked so much ass i am writing about it here and after that i am calling everyone i know to tell them how much it kicked ass.
With one chip filled taste of K.A.D. ex-girlfriends will wonder why they left me. The other girls i have not been with yet will throw themselves at me knowing that every Sunday (or whenever i feel it) I like can make this delight and take their taste buds to a place of ecstasy never experienced before the creation of K.A.D. and they won’t even have to get off the couch.
I have been a Gina Carano fan for a long time. She is so hot, so cool, so out of my league. So what! I can still stalk, er, I mean love her from a far.
Because of that new piece of shit show “American Gladiators” she is finding new fame and fans.
She was mine first! MINE!
Thought you guys should know how much she really does kick ass.
Watch below to see her beat the shit out of a couple of chicks.
Gina if you read this— I love you. Thanks for your hot ass kicking
Who the hell is Kimbo Slice you ask? He is the biggest badass street fighter in the USA. Kimbo is a youtube favorite and Internet superstar. His fights are so famous online that every desk jockey douche bag across America knows who he is. While they are supposed to be working in their cubes, these guys are trading cool ass youtube videos and Kimbo’s is a fan favorite. He has something like 1,000,000,000,000 views or so. Why should you care you are asking, well Kimbo us fighting on Showtime this weekend on the Elite XC MMA show. Why does this matter? Why am I asking so many questions? It matters because I believe this is the first time a sport star was made famous by the Internet. If this were a few years ago that’s all this guy would be, nothing but a local bad ass, but because of youtube he is a world renowned hero and seen as an ultimate kick ass mother fucker and now has a legitimate carrier ahead of him. Kind of cool if you ask me. If this dude can get famous for kicking the shit out of people and that one dude who hates people that hate Britney and posts videos, makes cash of this crap than I think I have a chance.
I just need to go do something cool and or retarded, film it and put it up on Youtube and watch my fans and the cash roll in. Maybe I could kick people asses to. Be the white Kimbo Slice. I’m kind of a pussy so I would have to fight sixth graders to make it fair or at least give me a shot. I could be the king of backyard sixth grade whoop ass. Under twelve… your ass is mine. (I mean that in the most non pedophile way…. yuck now I feel weird.)
People always told me I should do what I love. I love midgets. Maybe I could start a youtube series called “midgets gone wild” tape midgets doing weird shit. Have them pole dance, fight strangers eat chicken wings or maybe fly a kite. The possibilities are endless with midgets and a video camera. I world have to figure out a way to be on screen as well. I could just get drunk and egg them on the whole time. Maybe challenge them to a fight, two on one to make it fair. Just Your Average Guy – Youtube Midget Wresting Champion!
Check out Showtime this week if you can. You will see how far youtube can bring you if you can kick ass and film it. Dare to dream.
Here is a highlight video of Kimbo’s Street fights. Man i wish i could grow a beard like that.
I am just your average guy. Nothing more than your average drunken douche bag who likes to make asinine comments on silly ass things. I use about 30% of what I’m capable of. The rest of my 70% of capability is used up by drinking, drugs, girls and just plain laziness. I’m a follower, not a leader. I blame no one but myself and I’m cool with that most of the time. I do however have heroes. People who are not average, people who excel and push themselves beyond average. They go the extra mile, work harder, play harder and give it all, 100% to everything, all of the time to everything, always. They have no excuses
Randy Couture is my hero for these reasons. He makes me want to be a better man. Why am I talking about him you ask? He quit the UFC today and it brought a little tear to my eye. He was their heavyweight champion, an announcer and an ambassador of the sport. His record is not great at 16-8, but he always gives it his all in victory and defeat, never makes an excuse and fights with a beautiful balance of his head and his heart. At 44 years old he is still the underdog in ever single fight and comes out and makes magic. Sure there are lots of talented sports heroes out there but this guy was and is something else. He is what we all could be if we tried our hardest.
He retired form the UFC for a multitude of reasons, the foremost being he was not going to be able to fight the #1 heavyweight in the world Fedor, because the UFC could not sign him. Randy wanted the challenge plain and simple. It wasn’t there at the UFC, so he left. Was this the only reason he left? Probably not, money and politics played a part I’m sure, but all he really wanted was the challenge. To fight the best in the world and nothing else. I seem to run away from challenges as of late; it’s the easy road. Not Randy, he looks for it, cherishes it and lives in it win or lose.
Will I change my lifestyle and work ethic because I’m thinking about this pretty hard today? I would like to think so, the chances are slim, but I’m going to try. I know ill never be the man Randy was and is but at least I know that the possibility to be great is out there and the only one to blame for not being great is myself.
We could all be a little more like Randy, I know I could.
I hope to see you in the cage again soon my friend. Thanks for reminding me how I should be fighting.
