Bacon in bed please.

I could really use a butler. An old school one, tall, British and crass. One that keeps secrets, ignores drug use and quietly sends unsightly girls out the back door before an important business meeting or my mother coming to visit.   Of course he would wear a black suit with tails, a turn of the century bow tie and be balding. The tea would always be perfect and he could bring me in a rotary phone on a tray.  Mmmm butler.

I lay here in bed with thoughts of a lovely breakfast being brought to me, alas all i have is my dog looking at me wondering when i will take her for her morning walk, aka “big poopy time.” I wonder if my dog thinks of me as her butler? After all, i bath her, feed her, scratch her ass and pick up her poop. All she has to do is lay i my bed, wag her tail and smile when i come home. She is such a bitch.  lucky dog.