I LOVE DIP

 

Inspiration has hit!

 

Thinking about the coming weekend has reminded me what is important in life. Beer, sex, fights, beer, huge sporting event and kick ass dip.  Yes dip.  The best part of the super bowl. (Minus the commercials) is the awesome dip people make to bring to parties.  Where do they come up with these concoctions?  Bean dip, salsa dip, cheese dip,  grandma’s dip surprise, seven layer dip,  Hanna Montana mustard dip, the list is endless. 

 

I love dip because you really can not screw it up.  Throw a lot of crap in a pan, bake it or what ever you want to do  stick some chips in it and you have a delicacy that everyone enjoys.  I am making a challenge to myself to come up with the best dip ever created by man. Seeing that I define cooking by picking up the phone and i despise grocery stores with a  passion that comes  in a close second only  to my hatred of Bono from U2, so it should be interesting.

 

If only i could find a midget and a over sized sombrero.  It has been a dream of mine to have a dip midget. He would wear a sombrero with chips around the side and my world class dip in the middle. Perfect heighth, perfect size and always available with one quick whistle. 

 

Oh, one day ill be rich and have my very own dip midget. 

 

Let the dip making being.   

 

Not finding much to rant about as of late.

The past few days I feel like I’m in a weird Prozac haze where i find everything to be gray, nothing to be interesting and pretty much blaize about everything. The odd part is i gave up Prozac a long time ago and i am usually a loud mouth opinionated jack ass.  

 Getting back home from Buenos Aries has sucked more than i anticipated.  What ever inspiration i had was left with on the plane along with my favorite head phones.   I think somebody has cut off my balls when i was sleeping. My sack is chained up in some back alley safety deposit box with all of my other talents and expectations.

 

To further my half ass ways, Lost starts tonight, so instead of doing interesting things, like going out to drink heavily , chasing girls  of ill repute or actually trying to write something of substance. To further my geekdom and lack of finding thing inspiring, tonight i am going to have my hetero sexual life partner and his butt buddy over to watch 3 hours of Lost.  

 

I might top it off with a viewing of the 1st Lord of the Rings after they leave.  I might even bake some cookies. 

 

My apologies for sounding like cry baby bitch.  

 

I expect a full recovery after this weekend filled with UFC, beer and the Super Bowl.    

Hung over hot mess i am

For some reason hangovers don’t hit me until the afternoon.  I am fine all morning, get work done, run errands, what have you  and then Blam- O.  Menopausal hot flashes, sucking back down puke before i spew and curling up in a ball in my bathroom where the tile is oh so cold and comforting like my grandmas soup.  A place where I don’t care if pubes stick to my face as i lay there in ecstasy waiting for my nausea  to pass. Its pure heaven.

Yes ladies I’m a catch. 

 

Lion Kicks Midgets Assess… eats em to. Poor poor midgets.

 

 

My buddy just sent me the article below. Once i got over the deaths and maiming of several dozen midgets, my jaw dropped the floor with glee that someone actually had an army of midgets. To bad they got destroyed by a lion. They are the king of the jungle for a reason.

 

How cool would it be to have your own midget army?  Training them to be merchants of death, picking out their wee little uniforms and having the ability to threaten people with your little army.  I’m jealous as could be.   If it was my army i don’t think i would have risked there lives with fighting a hungary lion.  I do give props to their leader for his unwavering belief in there skills of death.

 

Enjoy the article below that tells the entire story. Amazing. 

 

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight

Spectators cheered as entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against African Lion

Tickets had been sold-out three weeks before the much anticipated fight, which took place in the city of Kâmpóng Chhnãng.

The fight was slated when an angry fan contested Yang Sihamoni, President of the CMFL, claiming that one lion could defeat his entire league of 42 fighters.

Sihamoni takes great pride in the league he helped create, as was conveyed in his recent advertising campaign for the CMFL that stated his midgets will “… take on anything; man, beast, or machine.”

This campaign is believed to be what sparked the undisclosed fan to challenge the entire league to fight a lion; a challenge that Sihamoni readily accepted.

An African Lion (Panthera Leo) was shipped to centrally located Kâmpóng Chhnãng especially for the event, which took place last Saturday, April 30, 2005 in the city’s coliseum.

The Cambodian Government allowed the fight to take place, under the condition that they receive a 50% commission on each ticket sold, and that no cameras would be allowed in the arena.

The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.

Sihamoni was quoted before the fight stating that he felt since his fighters out-numbered the lion 42 to 1, that they “… could out-wit and out-muscle [it].”

Unfortunately, he was wrong.

 

~Side note:  I have a feeling this is bullshit. I don’t care, the idea alone kicks so much ass I want it be real.  (minus that fact it sucks a gaggle of midgets were slaughtered and maimed for entertainment and sport of course) 

 

Weird Fat Man Video

Odd… Funny…Fat boy can dance and has game. He even got himself a lady.

Must be his jigaly ways!

Just a thought

As I sit here drinking my coffee and eating cold pizza, the wind blows across my porch, its 7:30am and I want a cigarette.  Not because I need one (I don’t smoke any more but I will always be a smoker at heart and I miss the 20 beautiful moments everyday) it just would fit the moment nicely.  My dog cuddled up against my leg, she hates it when it’s below 70 and I think to myself for a cynical fuck I got it pretty good.

Oooo bocce starts tonight. One more night of drinking and playing with balls, I need that like a hole in my head but damn it’s a good time.   Like I said, I got it real rough.  

That’s all.

Have a good Monday.

FUCK YOU SCIENTOLOGLISTS.. COME GET SOME BITCHES!

I hate this group of cultish, brainwashing, sick demented sad fucks.  I wish I could cock punch the lot of them.  I hate their stupid stores, books, their place in society they have forced upon us and I even hate their smell.  

They are a very powerful group (cult) that uses their power within the entertainment industry to keep their weirdness out of the mainstream news. I know how conspiracy theory I sound right now, but proof is in the pudding and their pudding is filled with weird stars like John Travolta and Tom cruise.  Creepy ass guys altogether.  I would be very afraid to see either of these droids in a dark alley.

If your not sure how creepy Tom cruise and Scientology is check out this video of Crazy Tom talking about his beliefs.  It is some sort of recruitment video that they show to perspective converts of their religion (cult).   Evidently this video keeps getting shut down and taken off the net. Scientology does not want the main stream to see this at all.  Unfortunately many people don’t like fucking with them because of their quick action to use litigation and they go after any one that fucks with them like a pit-bull on a baby.  

Okay, I’m hung over a bit, but I still say fuck you Scientologists. Kiss my ass you weirdoes.  

Here is the true freak that is Tom Cruise.

 I  

Heather Brooke For President!

I am sick of this election already. I know I am supposed to be all excited about such great, smart, endearing candidates on both sides of the fence, but I don’t give a shit. I think each one has their own deal with the devil to fulfill their power hungry goals. These are not leaders; these are egomaniacs, self-absorbed gobs of poo built to make us like them for their own benifit

Screw them! I nominate Heather Brooke for president. She is the blowjob queen of the universe and has no ego, no power trip, no deal with the devil. She simply has a gift from god that can save the world. Deep Throat for peace! With Heather in office, armed with her BJ skills she could defuse any problem, very quickly and all the enemy would be able to do is submit to her talents and take a nap.

Imagine if there was a WMD hidden somewhere and we sent Heather in. With in 5min and 1 deep throat  all would be revealed and the world would be safe. If you’re thinking of sending Hilary in for this type of action, think again. Her husband had to go to an annoying sow to get his own junk taken care of.  The ice queen has nothing on Heather.

With Heather as our leader all would be safe. Children could sleep and the rest of the world would be our best friend. The only problem with good ‘ol Heather in office would be the late night phone calls from that little North Korean fuck wanting more more more. Heather could deal with it. Heather could fix it. Heather would make the world a better place for all.

So in this primary I am asking all of you to write Heather Brooke in. Why not? If blowjobs can’t save the world I don’t know what can.

Fresca…. The forgotten soda

I have rediscovered this wonderful concoction the past couple of weeks.  It is  a drink only grandmas or really hip indie chicks seem to have in their fridge. More people should keep this around the house because it rules. It really is wonderful in its refreshment, zest and all around tastiness. It’s like velvet for your mouth. It kicks the shit out of 7up and Sprite,

Mmmmm, go get some Fresca, the shit is good.  Put a little Vodka in it, like my grandma and it’s really good.

I <3 Rampage

You probably know I love MMA. Mixed Martial Art, The UFC, two dudes fighting their balls off in a cage. It’s not for everyone, but I fucking love it. It is the greatest sport in the world in my humble opinion and nothing comes close the kick assness that is MMA.One of my favorite fighters of all time is Quinton “Rampage” Jackson. His style is “whoop that ass.” He pretty much does that most of the time.

Before coming to the states and knocking the piss out of Chuck Liddell.Rampage had a career in Japan for years. They love their charismatic black guys over there and he was huge. Little Japanese girls fall all over him hanging from his big arms waiting for their turn to satisfy him with eastern secrets passed down from mother to daughter for generations. Besides being a kick ass bastard, he is always funny as hell.Here he is trying to buy a jock strap.

Enjoy

Thanks to Gallo for sending this to me.

Also, did anyone else find it weird they play Jimmy Eats World a Japanese department store?

And here he is trying to hump a little Japanese reporter