Damn Drunk Texting

If you really want to feel good about yourself I suggest getting really wasted on scotch then drink a bottle of champagne and go to party where everybody is 10 years younger than you. After you hit on every girl in the room and fail miserably, go home and pass out naked with your window open you so your neighbors can blind themselves by looking at your lightening white ass.

After you wake up and suck down as much coffee as you can handle, you think, “Hmm life isn’t that bad, You’re not to bad of a person. Everything is Okay.” You pick your phone up to call a friend up for a good old-fashioned hangover breakfast. Then you notice all of the drunken text messages you sent out between 4-5 am. Oh shit.

Here is a list of my messages

To Girl 1 “come to my house and play”

Translation: “Come bang my sloppy drunk ass”

Response: none

To Girl 2: “Wanna hang out”

Translation “Come over and give me a blow job.”

Response none

To Girl 3 “ Come over now and get naked”

Translation “ come over and get naked and you can be the lucky chick who gets to bang my drunk smelly ass.”

Response: “Stop texting me.”

My game has gone out the window like Michael Jackson’s baby. Dangeling and waitin for someone to save it. My game also wonders why it’s not black, another thing in commen with MJ’s kid.

I don’t know what it is that enters my head when I stumble home that makes me think every chick I know is sitting at home waiting for my drunken text to come over and bang me. It seems to make sense when I’m doing it. I lot of things make sense with enough scotch

I think they need to have a service for the cell phones that you have to breath in to a phone breathalyzer before you are allowed to use it. If you hit a certain number you are declared to drunk to text. Much like ring tones you could the assign this service to those who you do not want to drunken text.

I guess ill have to leave my phone at home from now on.